Why Now?

It may seem sad, stuck, depressing or even a desperate cry for attention that I have decided to begin blogging about grief now. My journey with grief began 15 years ago when a great friend died and continued with the death of my son 7 years ago and my grandmother 2 years ago. There has been grief before and inbetween these significant losses, grief is more than the emotional response to death, it is the response to the loss of something/someone loved, needed or necessary.

In all honesty it is because I am not stuck that I can write about grief now. I hope that talking about death, dying and the transformation that occurs while grieving, will encourage further conversation and normalize the experience for others. I don't think I could have written about grief before now, at least not from a perspective that was insightful, provactive or earnest. My grief has grown with me from pity and despair, surrender and coping, to healing and learning.

When this journey began to evolve into one of healing I was not sure that I was allowed to feel changed, complete or improved by the experience. In having those feelings I feared that I was dishonouring the memory of the people that had died. It has taken years to realize the love and respect it shows their memory. The fact that I have learned and I have grown and continue to do so from their life and death.

When I say that I am going to write about grief, this is not an account of the past, although there may be snippets, this is an account of the day to day. I walk with grief everyday, the unseen companion and it is how I encounter it in "normal" daily interactions, parenting, marriage, friendships and work.

The way that we grieve is unique and this blog is not meant to be a field guide on how to grieve. This is my journey but I hope it can help others as they cope with their journey and hopefully I can write about it in a way that is relatable, funny and real.

I don't want to give the impression that there will not be sadness in this blog from time to time, grief comes in waves and every wave carries with it a different memory and a different emotion. This blog is about my life as a healthy griever.